Zombies and life choices

Every day you have to make life choices.

Perhaps it’s what to wear to work, what to have in your sandwich or whether to move to that place in the mountains with the world’s shoddiest internet but an abundance of hedgehogs living in the cellar. Admittedly, not all of those are big life choices, but they’re still choices that you’re making in your life all the same.

But the big question is how do you make these choices? Why go for cheese in between the stale slices of bread instead of spam?

Roll a dice?

Pick a card?

Play sandwich roulette with a pack of drunken wolves?

I wouldn’t advise the last option, they’re sneaky players at the best of times. Instead, I opt for:

“What would be the best option considering there might be a zombie apocalypse tomorrow?”

Question: Should I get my eyes tested soon?

Answer: Yes, you’ll want to be able to see the zombies from as far away as possible.

Question: Should I go out for tea tonight?

Answer: If it’s a busy establishment you might want to think twice – however, should there be a zombie outbreak you’ll be needing your strength, so yes, go out to eat and don’t heed the diet.

Question: What about partaking of a few beverages?

Answer: It may be the last time you get to relax for a while, so why the hell not?

Almost ENTIRELY foolproof.

So, a two-part question for you, fiends:

1. What would you do if there was going to be a zombie outbreak tomorrow?

and

2. If you’re a little dubious that the mouldy and puss-ridden fingers of the undead might be scratching at your door in the morning, then how on Earth do you decide what to do tonight?

Grind Spark – out now

Longlisted for the Bath Novel Award 2014, Grind spark is a near-future dystopian novel about growing up in the years leading up to the end of the world. It’s about pretending to be the perfect family. It’s about whether you want to survive. Treat your eye portals. Pick up your copy here.

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