Saying goodbye to the Beast

You might have noticed a distinct quietness in the Dust Lounge during the launch of Grind Spark on Halloween.

No blog posts, no buy my book tweeting, no general fanfare.

Not even anything about what creepy books y’all reading, or what films you were curling up under a blanket to watch.


And it’s because of the Beast.

I didn’t want to be writing this post, and it’s taken me a week to be able to sit at the keyboard and type without bursting into tears. Dirty, snotty tears.

Because in the early hours of Halloween’s morning, after a day in which the Beast had suffered a series of fits we made the difficult decision to put her down.

The Beast was an old cat, she’d had a good innings, and in my heart of hearts I knew it would be coming sooner rather than later. But I’d been hoping for a quieter exit for her. A ‘just-don’t-wake-up-one-day’ kind of thing. Not a violent seizure type of thing.

And it was horrible.

And goddamnit I’m crying again.

And even though it was a week ago, the fact that she’s not pestering for food, or insisting on cuddles, or tearing up the side of the sofa, has left a massive hole in our house. I still find myself midway through wondering where she is, halfway through calling her down for her breakfast, expecting her to be lying on my feet when I wake up in the morning.

And I was hoping to maybe be able to write something a bit more witty, a bit more fun, but actually all there is to write is that I miss her.

Her real name was Pixel (named after the cat in Robert A Heinlein’s The Cat Who Walks Through Walls). She’d lived with us since she was a kitten back in 2004. She was a part of our family.

So here’s to you, Pixel – you grumpy, loveable, fiendish cat.

You were more than just a cat to us.


Grind Spark – out now

Longlisted for the Bath Novel Award 2014, Grind spark is a near-future dystopian novel about growing up in the years leading up to the end of the world. It’s about pretending to be the perfect family. It’s about whether you want to survive. Treat your eye portals. Pick up your copy here.

  6 comments for “Saying goodbye to the Beast

  1. November 6, 2016 at 7:48 pm

    She was certainly a character – a loveable mixture of curiosity, threat and cuteness. Big love to you guys, she was lucky to have had such a wonderful life with you Xx

    • November 6, 2016 at 7:52 pm

      Thanks Rich- that’s a good description of her :) x

  2. November 8, 2016 at 6:00 pm

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  3. December 17, 2016 at 9:35 pm

    sorry to hear about Pixel, it’s a terrible burden to be longer lived and to have awareness of that fact; not one I’d be keen to face up to.

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